Dienstag, November 15, 2005

Boxes of our lives

It is the third week into my last semester at Ngee Ann. I am still trying to adjust back to my life as a student. The one and a half month term break was quite well-spent. I had spent most of the days catching up on rest, doing devotion, praying regularly and cleaning up the house a bit; clearing my cupboards of the old notes from JC. It seemed to me that throwing away the notes was symbolic to releasing a chapter of my life, one filled with regret, frustration and uncertainty - letting go of what was once held so tightly in my grip: resistance to new changes and an unfamiliar structure.
"You are packing your life into boxes" remarked Marcus' mother when he was packing his room for his new house. What a simple but impactful statement.
As he continued clearing his shelves, cleaning and packing things into the boxes, some were nicely bubble-wrapped, while others were simply dropped into the trash bag. You hold on to things that mean a lot to you, things of significant value. You readily throw away things that hold not much of a value to you because they do not tug at your heartstrings. What have you packed into your box? Sometimes or often times, we put things into our cupboard without giving much thought to whether it is necessary to keep them. There are also things that are of sentimental value, things that remind our past and things that we hold on to whether good or bad.
I had kept my JC notes so that when I retook my As, they would come in handy. After that, I continued to keep those notes even after I became a student at Ngee Ann, still believing that I would have use for them when I get into a university doing Arts. A part of me never left go, a part of me refused to do so. Even though I was positive about continuing my studies, in pursuit of my "passion" for the different Arts subjects, I was clearly still hurt and affected about the disruption in the plan and the route to university after my As. A part of me had not moved on even when I had begun studying in another school now.
While I was clearing my cupboards, discarding the notes that have now turned yellow with age and dust had accumulated over years of un-use, I suddenly felt a sense of release, closure and ease that I had not exactly felt before, not even at the point when I was accepted into NP and had started school.
God has been ministering to me these 4 years. He has been by my side, supporting, comforting and encouraging me. Even though it is a different route that I am taking right now, I will not fear because You are with me. You will lead and guide me and You will protect me. It has been a painful process of breaking and shaking – like gold through a refiner’s fire, You have bought me through. Yet, I will come out stronger because I have you.

“This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17

Everyday Lord, I am learning to submit all my plans, ambitions, hopes and dreams into your hands.
“In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps” Proverbs 16:9



What are you keeping in your box?

# one caramel latte for the road lili-dime | 2:44 AM |